"Not everyone who's smiling is happy..."

A friend of mine once told me "I wish I had your strength." I told her I'm not that strong. I'm just hiding my pain. She said " But you managed to get through the things that happened to you."

Get through...

How does one know if you really "got through" it all? I certainly do not know. Cause deep down inside this hell-hole a.k.a heart, I never really got through any of it at all. They're still there. The pain, the joys, the regrets. They're there. Lurking in the shadows. Maybe I got so used to being hurt - being second to somebody - that the pain only lingers for a little while. Then I'm up to my sunny disposition again. I told some of my friends that I heal fast. Emotionally, that is. That's what scares the crap out of me.

For years, I've been band-aiding parts of my heart. Every wound - whip out a band-aid. Wound, band-aid. Wound, band-aid. So, what do I do when these band-aids refuse to stick anymore? What if the band-aid I used to cover up the wounds simply lets go? How will I start to repair myself again?

I'm not that strong. I'm not worthy of any praise that "I made it through the rain." Well, it's still "raining" here from where I am.

The rain goes on and on.

And I'm running out of band-aids.


xoxo


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